Tomorrow's Dreams
Zain stood by his father's bedside, his steely eyes fixated on pale pouting lips as his father excruciatingly and intermittently clasped and gasped for air. Like a fish out of water, it was only a matter of time before all of his soul prys itself free from the clutches of its helpless body, hoary with age. The epic battle against cancer surged closer and closer, till all that separates them from certain death remains only a hair's breadth away.
Though his father had always led an industriously colourful life, Zain nevertheless regretted not heeding the doctor's advice. "He hasn't much left in him. His time is up. Any day could be his last.Make his end of days sweet and full of smiles...like how he has always lived his life. You never know what tomorrow brings," the doctor's words still lingers through the hospital's dark empty hallways.
Zain helplessly gazed at his father's peaceful looking corpse being pushed out of the ward, his head, full of thought provoking emotions. Zain couldn't explain how selfish he was, to spend most of his time away from home, hell bent on carving a name for himself in the industry. What ever time left, was spent with Caroline whom he has yet proposed to.
"Go see your father lah. Your mother has been looking for you the whole day you know", Caroline would pester Zain. "Busy lah. Got this huge project coming up. Tomorrow can go visit lah ok?", Zain curtly replied. "I dunno lah you. It's your father not mine!", Caroline would stomp into her room huffing and puffing at Zain's growing stubbornness.
Zain's tomorrows extended beyond the far reaches of the Himalayan mountains. As days transcends into weeks and months, the hefty price he paid for procrastinating the act of seeking forgiveness from his father shall be an endless sorrow, something, that would have to remain in the void of his heart till he learns to forgive himself...if ever really.
Zain isolated himself from the world, his zest for life deteriorating by the second . In the doldrums of loneliness, he keeled and suffered, and so did his relationship with Caroline.
"You know what Zain, only God knows why I'm still with you. My family has banished me for wanting to convert to Islam, my friends think I'm insane, and you've never once said 'I Love You' to me. Not even once!", Caroline lamented. "It's been forever since you actually picked me up from work, or delighted me with a fancy dinner. You've ceased surprising me with flowers. Hell! I can't even remember the last time you opened the doors for me!" Caroline rambled on and on, exposing all that she felt within her.
"Well, me going to
Zain stared at the ceiling unperturbed by whatever Caroline had to say. After all, she was the reason why he severed all ties with his father in the first place. Zain was ripped apart, having to decide between Caroline and his family but he could not see himself sitting on the pedestal with any other woman to call his queen.
Zain remembered the day he first introduced Caroline to his parents. Though his late father didn't approve his only son's desire to marry a Catholic, his father was respectful enough to not show his true feelings to their non-Muslim guest that day.
However, all hell broke lose the moment Caroline left for home that night. Never in Zain's life had he wounded his father so deeply. Bitter words were exchanged between father and son which resulted in Zain moving out of the family house. "I will move out of this stupid house!", Zain recalled the exact last words said to his father 2 years before his demise. Zain felt so mighty that night, like he had broken loose from the firm chains that gripped him.
Zain lazily slumped into his rocking chair, gazing far beyond the cityscapes, reflecting on the recent events of his life. Zain have always coveted his lonely nights by the balcony with his pet cat nestled comfortably on his lap. That night however, Sugar seemed rather more interested in the rubber ball. The strong breeze that caressed his face also strangely whistled an unusually chillier tune.
Praying for some kind of divine intervention to enlighten his path ahead, Zain succumbed to God's mercy and shed tears that seeked help and guidance. For a moment, he felt a familiar warmth on the top of his head. Zain remained still, wondering if this was real or merely a dream. Zain remembered how as a boy his father would always place his palm on the top of Zain's head. Whenever Zain apologized for being naughty, his father would just place his palm on the head, while advising the boy not to repeat the offence before ruffling the boy's hair.
It was just all too familiar to Zain as he turned his head abruptly, hoping to see a ghost or something. Emptiness stared straight back into Zain's apologetic eyes. The winds decided to stop still and so did the rustling of the leaves on the trees. "Bapak?", Zain whispered. "Bapak, is that you?", Zain pondered in a hush tone.
"Bapak...I know it's you. I know you're here. I know I have not been a good son. And I shall live with this guilt for as long as I live. I know it's too late now to seek your forgiveness. I have to live with this for I dunno how long. It's been barely a week since you passed away, and already I can't take this pressure. My whole life is in a mess. I got no one to talk to...I dunno what to do..", Zain continued.
Zain took in a deep breath, fighting off his urge to break down and cry before continuing. "Bapak, for a long time now I've asked myself if I ever regretted making a move on Caroline all those years ago. My answer is still no. She is the only woman that can keep me happy and it will always be that way. But my family is more important to me too. And if it's your desire that i shall not marry Caroline, so be it. You've always known what's best for me Bapak", Zain conceded.
"I knew I can never forgive myself when I was by your death bed. If there is one thing I regret in life, it is to not visit you earlier. I've always thought that you had plenty left in you. You've always been strong, physically and mentally. Bapak, if it is really you standing beside me now, and if you accept my forgiveness please place your palms on my head like how you always used to", Zain begged.
Zain bowed his head in prayer, then he felt it! That all too familiar warm sensation on the top of his head. Secretly, he said a little prayer and was soon fast asleep there and then on his rocking chair. That night, Zain had a peculiar dream. In it, Zain was at a wedding ceremony. His own wedding ceremony!
As Zain wan putting the final touches on his impressive hair do, there came a knock on his door. It was his father! And this is what he had to say:
"My son...if this is what you want, so be it. I shall shower you with all the blessings from the bottom of my heart. Too much grief and tears have already been sacrificed in this family, and tears of sadness would never flower any tree. Too much time has been wasted, when nobody is promised a Tomorrow. Go out there...she's waiting for you"
Zain sprang from the rocking chair, cold and shivering. Zain was lost in translation, trying to come to terms the night's events. Everything seemed so real, like a sign. As he stepped into his house, his eyes laid on Caroline's photograph on his bookshelf and in an instant, everything began to make sense once again.
Zain scrambled to his room and was out of the house in a flash. It was 2am but time shall not deter him from claiming his love once again. After all, Nobody Is Promised Tomorrow.
