Wish You Were Here

The weekend that has just eluded was one of that is rather odd but on hindsight, it did however made me smile benignly. Armed with my newly acquired Polaroid camera, I instantaneously mutated into a trigger happy fool, snapping away at anything that seemed remotely interesting to me. Though Polaroid films are anything but cheap, the composition and raw nature of the pictures somehow appeals to me.

My theme for that weekend was 'Old'. I shot a photo of a cracked wall, I shot a photo of my aging grandmother, I shot a photo of my old schoolbag and of the old antiques that furnished my mother's living room. Out of all these photos, I love them all. Not because of the way I managed to capture them within the 4 frames, but because each of them had a tonnage of significance in my life. Now out of all these photos, there was this particular one that made me quiver in silence.

It was a picture of a quaint little hotel, tucked away, safely within the hustle and bustle of the city. Now this hotel is not one where hanky meets panky. On good days, you'll get folks from all over the globe, sitting down and melting their life's adventures into one big melting pot, left to be forgotten as they stepped away from this magical abode.

People come and they go, and so do their stories. But the old cranky walls never ceases to forget. So much so, that as the walls peels away, exposing itself to the harshness of time, it somehow gives one the impression that it shall never crumble....it shall never forget the stories that has been told....it shall never forgot the people that tells those stories. That day, as I snapped that photograph of the Old Mitre, the walls seemed to whisper to me through the winds that was seeping through its many cracks.

It seemed to remind me of my dear friend Juliana. I remember that day vividly. The 16th of March, 1999. Juliana dragged me down from our work place, and forced me to 'chill' in this sombre looking hotel. Her idea of 'chill' was nothing extravagant. A couple of drinks, served by the oldest bartender you can ever chance upon, in a place that's older than the city itself. That was my first trip to The Mitre.

The Mitre charmed me so much that it made me its humble pilgrim. Every other day for the next 4 years was spent at The Mitre. And every time I paid a visit to this place, dear Juliana will always be by my side. I can never forget the person that introduced me to my little sweet escape.

Looking at that picture of The Mitre, it made me miss Juliana even more. Visiting the Mitre alone or with anyone but Juliana did not feel complete...and the walls told me so. The walls never lie. As I slouched into a once majestic red chair, I remembered Juliana sitting on the chair beside me, with her legs comfortably rested on my thighs. She was tired from the long walks we had prior to this and I had the daunting task of pleasuring her via a foot massage.

It was funny how each time we arrived at The Mitre, Juliana would collapse into that same chair and it was even funnier that I willingly take her shoes off and gave her a massage that she so craves for. It was definitely weird staring into that empty chair now, knowing that you are far away in London, pursuing your degree...knowing that you'll never come back, less for Hari Raya Puasa which only occurs once a year.

As I scrutinized the aging walls, I came across that little patch on the wall where we wrote something. I still remember it was a few hours before the Christmas of 2000. On the wall, we scribbled, "May our friendship last forever through the ages, like The Mitre". I signed off as a stick man drawing, and you, a stick girl. We were holding hands in that drawing. It was sweet, adn the walls of The Mitre has kept that secret of ours even up till this day.

I smiled as I carassed my hands over that piece of declaration on the wall. As I left The Mitre that day, I stopped in the middle of my tracks and took a peek behind, hoping to see you running up to me, but it was nothingness that was staring back at me.

Dear Juliana, if you are reading this, I need to tell you that The Mitre will be demolished anytime soon. It's been in the newspapers for weeks already. If my memories are correct, we would have only about 2 months before the government starts to tear our nest down. My first visit to The Mitre was with you my dear, and I long for my last visit there to be with you just as well.

Mother

"For your repititive drug use, the court hereby finds you guilty as charged!", the definitive voice of the judge echoed within the walls of the court room. All subsequent murmurings within the room somehow fell silent as Mandy was handcuffed. Mandy reluctantly turned her head backwards to face the crowd. It wasn't too difficult to spot her Mother in her large floral printed Ah Soh dress. Beside her stood Mandy's two sons, aged 6 and 8.

As Mandy was led out of the court room, she stopped abruptly near where her two sons were standing. The boys' wanted so much to say something but somehow they could not conjure up the courage or ability to speak their mind. The emotional wave that's going through their fragile minds somehow overshadowed and took control of their speech. Nevertheless, the younger of the two related his feelings without speaking a word as a tear dripped down his left cheek. The elder one wrapped his comforting arm around his younger brother's shoulder as if trying to convince him that things are going to work out just fine.

A Victim to hard drugs since the age of 16, it was near impossible to part Mandy from those souless substances. When she conceived her second son though, for a brief time, she managed to go straight and avoid her drug laden friends. She found a decent job in a restaurant and brought her sons up the best way possible. Though Mandy does not earn much from her job at the restaurant, she still tried to brighten her sons' life with small gifts. Though these little gifts may seem negligible compared to the Nike shoes or hand-held games that their friends possess, it meant the world to the two boys.

The fairytale lasted only for a brief moment though before Mandy started abusing again. Her drug addict husband just got out of rehab and instantaneously, his constant drug use within their home became too much for Mandy to ignore. Mandy remembered the first time in 3 years when she stuck a needle into her vein once again, she could literally feel the substances working in her blood stream and taking her to a place near paradise. "The best feeling on Earth", she would say. Like a bad friend, the drugs just kept coming and coming her way and in no time, she was hooked.

The boys' father has since seeked refuge in one of the Indonesian islands when the narcotics people came for Mandy. In the care of their grandmother now, the boys just longed for their mother to be by their side once again. Living with the grandmother was not a bed of roses. Mrs Kim went down hard on those 2 boys for she does not want to repeat the mistakes she made with her only daugther Mandy.

The boys found the initial stages of their new life burdensome to cope with but at least, they get clean clothes to wear and good food to eat on an everyday basis. In no time, they somehow seemed to forget about their dear mother and life went on pretty well. The teachers were impressed with their improving grades and they made more friends now in school.

Every month though, Mrs Kim would receive a letter from Mandy, asking about her sons. Not once did Mrs Kim reply to them for she still kept deep inside her the grieve and hurt that Mandy has caused her all those years. Despite not getting any replies, Mandy still persisted and kept on sending those mails on a monthly basis. The boys were oblivous to those mails sent by their mother for Mrs Kim kept them stashed away in her cupboard.

There was once, in her letter, Mandy asked if Mrs Kim was ever going to come visit her with her two sons. Mrs Kim stared hard at her daugther's almost inelligible handwriting. There were dried-up tear drops all over the letter. Mrs Kim sobbed uncontrollably to herself but yet she was reluctant to bring the boys to see their mother. As ther exams are approaching, Mrs Kim did not want to remind them of their Mother and all the bad memories that comes together in big black packages.

A week before Christmas, Mrs Kim received a call. It was Mandy. Mandy was sobbing uncontrollably the moment she said 'Hello'. Mandy apologized profusely to Mrs Kim for all the years of inconveniences she has caused. Mandy lamented on how this is the last time and how she wanted to mend her ways and start life anew with her loved ones back home. This wasn't new to Mrs Kim. Mrs Kim have had this conversation with Mandy the first time she went into prison. Deep down however, Mrs Kim still had an inkling of hope for her daughter and silently she prayed for God to show Mandy the path where all good people walk on.

"Maa....Maaa...Can I speak to Steven? Maa!!...Put Steven or Sean on the phone please. I want to hear their voice.", Mandy begged her Mother. Mrs Kim held the receiver tightly to her ears, tears in her eyes. The two boys were in the living room. Mrs Kim could see them from where she's seated. Their eyes were etched on the TV screens as they were having a duel with each other on their Playstation which she bought them for an early Christmas gift.

They say Mothers have an emotional telepathic almost magical connection with their children. Mothers could recognise their sons even though their faces are hiding inside a motorbike helmet. Mothers could tell if their sons were having a bad day by simply looking at their faces when they walk in the front door after a hard day at school or work.

"Maa...Please Maa....Just let me say hello to my sons", Mandy pleaded. "They're not in", Mrs Kim lied. "They're playing football downstairs", Mrs Kim continued. "No! Maa...you can't do this to me!! I want to speak to my sons...please!!", Mandy pleaded uncontrollably. "I know they're there with you. Can I speak to them?", Mandy begged once more. Mrs Kim put down the phone without saying goodbye.

She slumped into her chair and tilted her head back against the wall. Mrs Kim sobbed silently in resentment. She did not know why she didn't call the two boys to at least say hello to their Mother. Perhaps its the anger that's built up over the years...perhaps she just did not want to remind them of their Mother just yet. As all those morbid thoughts were playing in her head, Mrs Kim felt her shirt sleeve being tugged at. It was Steven, the younger brother. "Grandma, why are you crying?", he quizzed. "Grandma...I miss Mummy", he confessed. "Are you crying because you miss Mummy too?", Steven quizzed once again. Steven climbed onto his grandmother's lap and hugged her tightly. It as been a long time since he felt a Mother's warmth and his was the closest that he could get to a Mother for the time being.

In that emotional embrace, Mrs Kim secretly wished that the one she's hugging is her daugther Mandy. Steven simlarly wished that the one he's hugging is his dear Mother. There and then, Mrs Kim vowed to take the boys go see their Mother before the year ends. As they say, its beyond words, trying to explain a Mother's love.

Home

Adding to the fact that a 20-hour plane ride would pop his tiny ears silly, it is impossible to conceive that 7-year old Jude would be disheartened with the thought of embarking on a 14-day North American escapade. Sluggishly, Jude dragged his favourite clothes out of his closet as his mother packed the essentials into the luggage bag.

Jude sat on the floor, back against the wall as he stared at his mother gleefully folding away and tucking every piece of clothing expertly into the luggage bag, leaving no space for even ants to make room for themselves.

Silently, Jude calculated the remaining days before his entire family actually depart for their North American holiday. The sight of his mother whistling whilst packing made Jude all the more irate. "Why that look Jude? We'll be going to Disneyland and you and your brothers and sisters can get on all those fantastic rides, eat all the candy you want, shake hands with those lovable cartoon characters. Isn't it nice? Common Jude, you're going to love it. Trust Mamma. Now put on a smile for me will you", Jude's mother tried to make Jude feel better.

Jude smiled reluctantly. It wasn't difficult to brainwash a 7-year old kid and in an instant, Jude's mouth watered as he imagined being on one of those roller-coasters, with the wind messing his hair up at a blistering speed.

America was nothing like Jude had imagined. Everything he watched on TV multiplied by 10 and you're still nowhere close to the excitement that Jude and his siblings experienced. Everyday spent there was a blast and by the third day, Jude already forgot about his home at the end of a small road off Siglap.

During their trip to Canada, Jude touched snow for the very first time. The cold ice smoothing itself against his skin made Jude gasp in awe as he dug his hands deeper into the pile of snow. Jude carefully crafted the snow into a ball and pressed against the sides so that it hardened up. He aimed carefully and let fly his snowball right smack in the middle of his brother's head and a snowball fight soon engulfed amongst the siblings as their parents sat by the bench in the park, smooching like they were still in high school.

That evening, just before the sun began to set, Jude braved the chilling winds as he stood outside the hotel balcony and absorbed the breathtaking view of Vancouver that beset upon his little peering eyes.

"What are you looking at Jude. Come on in before you catch a cold", Jude's mother nagged after she noticed her youngest son standing on that same spot in the balcony for the past 20 minutes. Jude pointed out into the far horizon, with the look of amazement etched in his face. "What is it Jude?", his mother queried again. "What are you looking at?", his mother continued.

"Look at that Mummy. It's so beautiful isn't it?", Jude seeked his mother's approval as he pointed far away beyond the sunset. "It is indeed. You are looking at the Vancouver skyline Jude", his mother attempted to play tour guide for once. "No!", Jude interrupted his mother before she could ramble any more. "See that Mamma?", Jude pointed out again. "This is going to be my home Mamma. This is going to be my home", Jude corrected his mother as he dreamed of living in Vancouver.

That evening, the city of Vancouver emotionally encapsulated young Jude's heart. So much so that he made a vow to himself, though silently, it was still a vow. He vowed that when he grew up, he would make Vancouver his home. Jude's mother thought very little of the incident and as the years went by, she almost forgot about it.

There was one particular night though, Jude's mother was frantically sobbing whilst packing her luggage bag. She could still feel Jude's presence in the room. Jude's mother looked up and could almost make out young Jude's petite frame, back against the wall, whimpering at the thought of embarking on a North American holiday just 18 years ago.

How time flies Jude's mother thought to herself. In less than 24 hours time, the entire family will be on their way to Vancouver yet again. Only thing is, this time round, they're going there to attend Jude's graduation ceremony at the University of British Columbia, Vancouver, Canada.

Jude's mother abandoned her packing duties as she rummaged the wooden cabinets for the old photograph albums. Her eyes watered as she flipped through the albums. Her mind couldn't help reminiscing the yesteryears when all her children were young and restless, running around and literally pulling the ends out of her hair.

The best times in life are spent when the kids are still young. She never understood that fact when her mother explained to her years ago. Instead, she spent her time slogging at work, thus missing out on watching the kids grow up. In a flash, one by one, her children is stepping into adulthood and Jude's mother could do nothing about it.

One of the last photos in the album was of Jude looking out into that Vancouver sunset and declaring his desire to make Vancouver his home. Initially, his mother brushed it aside as Jude was only 7 then. As she recalled the phone conversation she had with her youngest son Jude just a few hours before, it seems however that Jude wants to live and work in Vancouver after his graduation. Alas, Jude was telling the truth after all.