Monday, September 03, 2007

Changes



They say that in this life, the only thing that is constant is change. Just like how the howling winter could not last forever as the might of nature introduces the spring so that the birds can sing. Or how about when big orange hairdos from the effervescent 80's gave way to ironed straight coiffure ala Jennifer Aniston in the 90's. Seasons change, Fashion changes, moods constantly changes by the minute, music styles change...and so does people and feelings, no matter how deeply etched they seem to be.

Though change is inevitable, it is beyond anyone's comprehension why it has to occur ever so often at the most inopportune of moments. Just as in Eddy's case, at the conclusion of his legal proceedings against an offence he had not committed, his wife ditched him for a much much older Indonesian tycoon, who could effortlessly, bring her the moon if he wanted to.

Perhaps it was all well-schemed out, waiting for the most opportune moment to lay down the bomb on Eddy. And what an apt time to relay such ill-news. At the moment where a man is chained and entwined in the lowest point of his life. It was a time when Eddy badly craved for all manner of support that his loved ones could muster. More so, from his 'loving' wife who eats the food that he puts on the table, the wife that sleeps on his bed, under the shelter that he provides her with, the wife that ever since he first laid eyes upon her, has showered her with gifts and love, that is unrivaled, the wife that bore him a daughter just 3 years ago.

As Eddy was awaiting the judge's verdict, he can't help noticing the empty seats that filled the back of the court room. Secretly though, he had hoped that this was all a morbid little dream and that his wife, is sitting quietly right there in the back with his daughter Nabilah, to await the sentence.

Eddy started to mull over the possibilities that is besieging him. Little did he realise that whatever the outcome of this proceeding, he will be forced to see his daughter Nabilah on an irregular basis. If he goes to prison, there was no chance that his soon to be ex-wife will visit. If he avoids prison, he would have to face the divorce head on and inevitably still lose custody of his only daughter. Either way, Eddy already felt like a man torn and tattered, and left for the hungry wolves to feast on.

Eddy's mind flash backed to the day his wife told him that she was carrying a little life inside her. Eddy vividly remembered what a bad day he had but when he heard those words from his then doting wife, he literally felt the burden of work being lifted off him. Eddy recalled the day when together as husband and wife, they went for an ultrasound to determine the sex of his child. Eddy still kept the sonogram picture with him at all times, to keep him rooted, and to guide himself through torrid days like today.

Eddy reached for his wallet and rummaged for the sonogram picture. He managed a meagre smile as he looked at it, simultaneously welcoming all thought provoking instances involving Nabilah. He recollected Nabilah's first tooth and the time he accidently dropped Nabilah on the cushion. He reminisced Nabilah's first step and the first time she squealed the word "Daddy".

And just a few months ago, Eddy remembered coming home late, tired and battered from work. Seeing his daughter waiting up for her father never failed to sooth his pain. On that particular day, Nabilah was just too eager to show her dad the drawings she made. It didn't matter to Eddy that the little Picasso charred the living room walls.

There were clouds and cats and trees on one side, a girl and a boy on one side, and a half completed star on the other side. According to Nabilah, the star was sad that day so it decided to show only half its face. Eddy could only afford to beam at Nabilah's innocence. Not wanting to feel left out, Eddy placed his right palm on one of the empty spaces of the already fast filling wall. He beckoned to Nabilah to take a crayon and outline the palm of his hand.

Like a seasoned artist, she traced it out with grace and poise. After that was done, Nabilah placed her palm within the outline of her father's palm that she had just drawn, and began outlining her own palm. With her limited word bank, she said something along the lines of "This way, I shall always be protected by you, daddy". She also mentioned that every year, on her birthday, they shall repeat that same process as a way to chart her growth, right up till she's married!

The sudden shuffling and scurrying of feet within the court room jerked Eddy out of his lullaby as the judge was ready with the final verdict. Like all good men, God has saved Eddy from this hell. After much anticipation, the court finds Eddy not guilty of swindling the company's funds. Eddy breathed a sigh of relief as he placed the sonogram picture in his left breast pocket. He conjured enough strength to say a little prayer, thanking God for guiding him through this ordeal.

That night, Eddy sat back against the wall, on his living room floor, admiring the art on the walls. The house by now is already empty, silenced by the night's assassin, free from the sound of the television, free from his daughter's cries for affection. The silence was deathly to the point that he could hear the receding paper burn as he smoked his cigarette.

In this dark abyss of a situation, Eddy gazed upon that drawing of his palm encapsulating his daughter's tiny palm. He thought to himself and knew that he would not have the chance to see Nabilah grow like how he had always imagined it to be. Each and every day spent with Nabilah now will be a little more precious. Would his daughter miss him? Would she totally forget him? Would her undying love for her father fade? They say in this life, the only thing that is constant is change. It is risible though how Eddy yearns for his fortunes to change, yet for Nabilah's love toward him to remain just as how it used to be.